This is my story. August 2018, I had been trying to conceive for a year and half and nothing happened. (I have a 14-year-old girl, and I am 33 years old). My doctor, who is not an obstetrician anymore, did a procedure (sonohysterography) to know why I couldn’t get pregnant, and the results were good! I was ovulating, my cycles were 29 days sharp, and there wasn’t anything on my uterus to hinder the path for sperm or else. So I selfishly thought that maybe my husband had a low sperm count. He was afraid so but he did not go for a sperm count.

On August 4th I surprisingly got my first positive test after more than 14 years, and we were beyond happy but also scared; we didn’t want to tell anybody until we saw or heard a heartbeat. Three days later, I began to have brownish discharge and I became very worried about it, so I went to a new gynecologist who did an ultrasound. The u/s didn’t show anything because it was too early.

The doctor prescribed prenatal vitamins and blood works. Since I am O negative, I will need a shot later (Rhogam) in the pregnancy. She said the spotting was maybe implantation bleeding. I did not have any symptoms or nausea in my first pregnancy, so I wasn’t worried about not having them in this pregnancy either. The brown discharge was getting on my nerves, however, and I had this gut feeling that something was not right.

When the bloodwork came back, my progesterone level was very low. I had to wait two weeks before seeing my doc again, so I tried to reach another Ob/Gyn. Almost two weeks later, I went to the ER because I was bleeding (wine color) and I was scared. I had no pain at all. The doctor sent me for some labs and a transvaginal sonogram. According to my last menstrual period, I should have been 6.5 weeks, but in the sonogram the technician saw a “perfect” gestational sac, a yolk, and a fetal pole of 5.5 weeks. I was a week behind, so maybe I did ovulate later I thought.

The ER doctor told me the hCG levels (25,451) were perfect for the dates and the sonogram too. There was a little subchorionic hematoma, but I should not be worried about it. He said that I could not hear the heartbeat because it was early, but maybe next week.

August 20th was my first appointment, and the new gynecologist was way too harsh. He did an ultrasound with an office machine and said the sac was too little and the fetal pole too. He also said that, according to my LMP, I should be 7 weeks along and should see a heartbeat with that level of HGC. He said that that week was crucial. He seemed so sure that I would miscarry that week and have a normal period, so he prescribed a rhogam vaccine in advance (remember, I am O-). If I did not miscarry, I would have another ultrasound in a week to see is there is a heartbeat. He said my pregnancy was 90% not viable, so I went home devastated and prayed. I prayed a lot. Not just for my baby; I prayed for acceptance of God’s will.

That week was a nightmare, the spotting never stopped. I went to the ultrasound on Tuesday, August 28, sure that I would see my baby’s heartbeat. When I was laying down in that cold room I watched at the monitor to see nothing, I saw nothing more than a blurry image of that little sac that I saw a week ago. There was no baby. No fetal pole, not even a clear gestational sac. So I prayed again, I prayed for peace because in this ultrasound I was alone. I called my husband at work and told him that we didn’t have a baby anymore, just a blurred sac that means nothing.

I was devastated. So I called my doctor, my gynecologist for years, because I didn’t want to go back to that horrible doctor who was actually right. I got an appointment with him the next day, and he said to me these words: “I am so sorry, but I think this is a molar pregnancy.” He recommended a D&C because he wanted to investigate the tissue. He booked the procedure that same day. He was awesome, he was by my side and explained every detail to me and my husband. He was very informative, and he knew everything about molar pregnancies very well. He is a bit old and a very good doctor.

That day my hCG was 80,000. The procedure went well, and I am now in recovery. I know that I will have to visit weekly the labs until I hit that ZERO I wish for. Since the doctor explained everything about cancer and chemo (methotrexate), in case that I need it, I am a little bit less afraid. This has been so devastating, not only because we wanted this baby so much, but also this pregnant feeling in my belly, my breasts, my whole body, but it is empty. Thank God my husband has been very loving, caring, and supportive. My doctor is a gifted man too, he said if I get the chance to get pregnant again (in a year from now) he will take care of me until I hit a “safe” 12 weeks. Now I am still praying for peace, for acceptance, for health, and for every woman who have to face this. We are not alone.