I went off the pill in early March 2003. I am 33 and my husband is 40, and we were married in August 2002. After we settled into our new home; we decided it was time to start trying. This was an exciting endeavor for both of us, since neither of us have children.

We had our first ultrasound on July 9, and a fetal sac was spotted. We were so excited, yet cautious. We shared the news with a few close friends and our parents. We decided to wait until the doctor confirmed a heartbeat before sharing the news. Our follow-up appointment was on July 24, and we were going out of town the following day and planned to tell more family. I was a little unsure about it, but I went ahead and made baby carriage cut out cookies. There wouldn’t be time after the appointment to make the cookies and get on the road.

That afternoon, I met my husband at the doctor’s office. As we waited for the doctor, I told my husband I was nervous. Although I had no reason, I had an uneasy feeling. At the time I thought it was just anticipation and excitement. The doctor came into the room and did the vaginal ultrasound. At first he was his jovial self, “just trying to zoom in on a clear picture here,” he said. Then, by watching his face, I knew something was wrong. I felt my husband squeeze my hand for support. I could tell the doctor was trying to collect his thoughts on how to tell us the unforeseen news.

“Based on what I see, there is not a heartbeat. At 9 weeks, we should see a heartbeat on the ultrasound. Also, the sac has not developed much since your last appointment. In fact, the sac appears to be at 7 weeks size, and we should be seeing 9 week size. It appears that there are two sacs on this ultrasound; that means there may have been twins. Sometimes two eggs get fertilized at different times. Just to confirm, I’m going to have you go to the radiology clinic. They have a more sophisticated machine, and they will be able to determine for sure. I’ll give you a few minutes alone and the nurse will get a work order for the radiology clinic.”

The doctor left the room, and I fell to pieces. How could this be happening? My husband was also extremely disappointed; I could see it in his face. However, even if the dreaded news was true, we would be able to start trying right away. Also, as the doctor told us, the first 3 months after a miscarriage you are more fertile. Trying to focus on the positive was difficult. As we rode in the car, I hoped and prayed that the ultrasound was wrong. Perhaps in one of the sacs was a surviving baby. We arrived at the radiology clinic, and they were very nice to us. The hardest part was that the radiology technician had to do the ultrasound and not share what she was seeing. She spent a lot more time than my doctor, and I was just wishing it was over. I could see on her face that there wasn’t much hope.

She left the room and a few minutes later, the radiology doctor arrived. He said, “I know you met with your doctor earlier today, he told you that he could not detect a heartbeat. I just finished speaking with your doctor on the phone and am sorry to be the one to tell you, but what your doctor thought is true. There is not a living fetus and from what the ultrasound tells me, you should miscarry in the next 48 hours. I will leave you alone for a while. Take as much time as you need.”

This was so hard. I was in a daze and not really grasping the situation. We embraced and we cried, but it just didn’t seem real. My husband gave me a ride back to my car; then I had to drive home alone. I knew I would totally fall apart when I called my mom, so I decided to wait until I got home and we could call her together. Right as I was pulling in the driveway, there was an incoming call from my mom. As I cried, I told her our devastating news. That weekend we had a fun trip planned with my family. I did start to miscarry on Thursday evening, but the bleeding was very light. I didn’t have any cramps and kept thinking it may get worse later. I was able to keep a relatively good mood with the family trip. It was great to have something fun planned.

That following Monday, I called my doctor. I was supposed to go in for a follow-up hcg level to confirm (if the ultrasound hadn’t) that I would miscarry. However, since I had started to miscarry, the doctor told me I didn’t need to have another hcg drawn for 2 weeks. On August 11 I went in for a follow-up hcg level test. At 5 pm on August 12 I received the news that my level was at 165,000. My doctor wanted to see me that evening for an ultrasound. My husband met me at the doctor’s office. After the ultrasound the doctor confirmed that I had had some type of molar pregnancy and would need a D&C the following day.

The worst part of this news was that we would have to wait; we were looking forward to trying to conceive right away. We are so ready for children. Especially when your mind begins to think you will have one soon. Luckily, the doctor was able to schedule the D&C earlier in the morning and Wednesday happened to be his surgery day. The surgery went great, and my recovery was quick. Yesterday I received the news that my hcg has dropped to 12,000. It was not determined whether it was a full or partial mole. However, after the chest scan was clear, he told us that once we are at 0 for 6 months, we will be able to try again.