Tamara

In the fall of 2002 my husband Glenn (age 36) and I (32) had been married 2 1/2 years and really wanted to start a family. We’d each been through two or three job layoffs/changes due to the Internet bubble burst; we’d seen our city attacked on 9/11; and we’d sold our apartment and lived with my in-laws for 6 months. Things were finally starting to change, however. My husband got a job in Rhode Island and we found a beautiful home. Two days before our closing I found out I was pregnant. I felt that my life was finally going right, but given the past couple of years I should have known that when one good thing happens, another bad follows.

When I went for a 8.5-week appointment they couldn’t find a heartbeat. I had to live with this fear and uncertainty for one week before another ultrasound confirmed a missed miscarriage. I had a D&C at 10 weeks. I didn’t expect it to be a hard recovery, and at first it wasn’t. However, 2 days later I woke up with terrible cramps and heavy bleeding that persisted the next 5 days, right up until Christmas Eve. The bleeding continued but at least the cramps got a little better and I could eat and sleep again. When I went for my 2-week check up on New Year’s Eve, I thought the worst of the grief and physical pain was behind me, and I was eagerly anticipating trying again. Wrong. I was told that the pathology reported indicated it was a molar pregnancy. At the time, I’d never heard of a mole, so when the doctor started talking about cancer, my jaw dropped. Happy New Year!

I went home stunned and immediately turned to the Internet for more info. I wish I’d found this site then! After 4 months of weekly blood tests and the endless cycle of waiting, my hcg levels stopped dropping. So I could either have another D&C or try methotrexate. I opted for the latter, given my experience with the D&C. Luckily it worked, and after 9 weeks of bleeding my levels reached zero. (By the way, don’t believe them when they say there are no side effects either.)

It has been 4 months of monthly tests and I’m happy to say that I’m still in the zero-zone. Unfortunately time is stretching on endlessly, and no matter how much I try to fill it, my clock keeps ticking louder. Knowing that if I’m lucky I’ll be 35 when I have my first child, I’m very eager to start trying again.

UPDATE: FEBRUARY 2004

I have a happy update on my story.

After 4 months of weekly blood draws, the methotrexate brought my levels down to zero. I tested at zero for 6 months, when I was given the OK to try again. Extremely lucky, I got pregnant on the first try. While the pregnancy has had its scary moments (lots of bleeding) and trials (vomiting multiple times a day until 20 weeks), it is worth every second. I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with a baby girl and eagerly anticipating holding her in my arms soon.

Here is a recent picture of me at 20 weeks, in my first day in maternity clothes!

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