Pamela

I am 27 years old and have been married to my wonderful husband for 3 years. This is my story…

Ten years ago my husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Thankfully it was caught in its earlier stages, and through radiation treatment and a surgery to remove the affected area my husband started going through remission. After 5 years of having his sperm frozen and given the clear by doctors that we were okay to have children we decided to have the frozen sperm disposed of. Two years later we were told that they had no record of the sperm being frozen and no record of being cleared at his 5 year appointment. We were now left uncertain of whether we would be able to conceive. My husband was very upset and decided he didn’t want to get tested again, and we both decided to let it be.

In April 2012 my husband and I decided that we were ready to start a family, and after the very first try we found out I was pregnant through an at-home pregnancy test, which was later confirmed by my doctor in May 2012. We were so excited about this because we were not even sure we could conceive given my husband’s past fight with cancer.

At the end of June 2012 for my first 12-week ultrasound I found out that my baby was too small and did not have a heartbeat. I was devastated and walked out of the clinic in tears. Later that day I went to my doctor’s office, and they set me up to see a specialist at the hospital because they believed that I had a missed miscarriage. I had had no bleeding, cramps, or pain.

For the next 3 weeks doctors had me do blood work and internal ultrasounds, because although my baby was not growing, the placenta, sac, and blood lining were continuing to grow, and there was some speculation that my placenta looked “abnormal.” At the end of the 3 weeks of testing, the doctors decided that a D&C procedure was required as the pregnancy was not viable.

On July 19th, 2012, I had the D&C procedure. My recovery went fairly well. I had a fever for 2 days and major blood clotting for a day 3 days after the surgery. After that I was back to feeling normal–physically at least.

In August 2012 I got the pathology results back and found out that I had had a partial molar pregnancy. I was shocked. Not only did I lose my baby, I now had tumors growing inside of me?! I was told that I had to have my blood taken every week to monitor my pregnancy hormone. If it stayed the same or rose, there would be a chance that the tumors were cancerous. If they dropped and eventually went to zero, I would be cancer free.

It is now September, and my hormone levels are still there. I am continuing to have blood taken every week. I have not been cleared of cancer yet, but I am trying to stay positive that my pregnancy hormone will drop. I am still waiting for that zero and then the 6 month wait until we can try again.

I am beyond overwhelmed and feel completely alone. I have continued with my life as normal, and as time has passes it gets easier, but I will have to admit that this is always on the back of my mind. The friends that do know about my situation have stopped talking to me, I think because they don’t know what to say. This makes me feel even more alone and isolated, even though I have tried my hardest to move forward.

I went to this site to share my story and read others’ stories as well, and I have found it very helpful. I appreciate the support.

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