I had my first son in January of 1995. My husband and I were both in college at the time. Therefore, we decided to wait to have another child. Then, in February of 2002, I became pregnant again. Because everything had gone smoothly with my first pregnancy, we never expected anything could go wrong. We were both delighted.

After 7 weeks, I started spotting and was put on bed rest. After 2 weeks I had a full-blown miscarriage. After severely hemorrhaging the entire night, I had a D&C the following day. I came home from the hospital still trying to ease the pain of the miscarriage. After a week had gone by, I wondered why I still had the nausea of a pregnant woman. My gynecologist assured me that this had nothing to do with the miscarriage, but I felt something was wrong. I went to see my endocrinologist, who gave me a blood test. It was then we found out that my hcg levels were through the roof! They were at 540,000. The endocrinologist requested the pathology reports from my OB/GYN, and the reports suggested that I had had some form of a mole, either a partial mole or a complete mole.

I was immediately referred to an oncologist who started me on a low dose of methotrexate chemotherapy. After a month of treatment, my hcg levels were still not going down as drastically as expected. My oncologist then placed me on a more intense chemotherapy called EMACO. On this chemo I lost all of my hair and a lot of weight. I received this treatment until July 2002, when my levels fell below 5. I went for monthly blood draws after that, and all continued to go well. After waiting a year, in September 2003 my husband and I decided to become pregnant again. In January 2004, I was found to be 4-5 weeks pregnant. We were all thrilled. Then at 6 1/2 weeks, there was nothing to be seen in the sonogram. I immediately asked the OB/GYN to have a quantitative hcg test done for me. My levels were not progressing, and I was miscarrying again.

I immediately feared that this might be another mole. I felt that I did not have enough strength to deal with it again! Next, I was referred for a wet-reading sonogram. In this the radiologist would see if I had had another molar pregnancy. By the grace of God, the radiologist found it to be a true ovum that had not developed into a fetus. It was not a mole! I was so thrilled that it was not a mole that I did not grieve the miscarriage at all. I had the D&C and will be followed up by a pathology report as well as a quantitative hcg test.

Today, a day after my D&C, I find myself now grieving over the miscarriage. My husband is so afraid now that he does even want to try again. I am so obsessed with the idea of getting pregnant again that I want to try immediately, but I am afraid of getting pregnant again and having another molar pregnancy.