In August 2003 my husband and I got married. He is 41 and I am 25. He was married once before, and they were not able to have children, so we decided that we would try to get pregnant right away. I have always wanted children. We tried for 3 months without result and my husband kept saying after every negative pregnancy test, “Don’t worry, honey. We’ll keep trying.”
In October 2003, I was finally late on my period, and 2 days later I took a pregnancy test. It was very faint, but there were two pink lines. I rushed over to where my mom was visiting to show it to her. She said, “You sure are!” My husband and I were so excited because we finally did it. We were getting our baby! Being first-time parents, we called everyone we knew to tell them that we were having a baby. We started buying clothes and baby furniture and I made a bumper and blanket for the crib. The thought of miscarriage never entered our minds. I went to my first appointment at 7 weeks and everything checked out fine. The nurse midwife had us set an appointment to hear the heartbeat at 11 weeks.
It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t be able to hear our baby’s heartbeat. To me, the hard part was getting pregnant, not staying pregnant. We went in with the video camera all excited. The nurse midwife tried for 20 minutes to find the heartbeat, but we could only find mine. She told us not to worry and had us make the appointment for the next week. We went home, and I fell apart. I told my husband that I knew the baby was dead. He told me that everything would be OK. I also called my parents and told them the same thing. For the next week, I was on pins and needles.
Next week finally came and the birthing center called to ask if I would change my appointment to an earlier time. I did, and my husband was not able to go with me, so my mother did. Once again we went in with the video camera, and once again the nurse midwife could not find the heartbeat. She sent me in for an ultrasound about 30 minutes later. We went over and the technician had me get ready for a vaginal ultrasound. There was my baby, perfect with fingers and toes. I looked at him and said, “He’s not moving.” Sure enough, there was no heartbeat. The baby measured at 9 1/2 weeks and he should have been 12 weeks.
I was devastated, and I called my husband. He left work immediately, as did my dad. All I could do was cry. We talked to the nurse midwife, and she told us that it would be best to wait for me to go into labor naturally. I went home in a daze and walked into a house that was waiting for a baby. I burst into tears and had my mom and dad take out all of the baby stuff. They took it to their house and stored it for whenever I should use it again.
All of this took place on December 17th. For the next week I felt like I was sitting on a time bomb. My husband drove me to my parents’ house, and then he would drive to work. He usually drove in a company truck with another guy, but he drove his car so that he could leave as soon as something started. By Monday, I was a nervous wreck, so we made an appointment to see the doctor. He got me in that day and set up a D&C for the next morning, December 23rd. My parents and my husband waited in the waiting room until it was all over. The doctor came in and said everything went well and that they were going to send the tissues to the pathologist. He wanted me to come see him in 2 weeks.
The holidays were ruined for our whole family, but we tried to enjoy it as much as possible. I had a follow-up on January 6th. The doctor had previously told us that they probably wouldn’t be able to tell us what caused the baby’s heart to stop beating and that if everything looked good, we could try again after a couple of normal cycles. I went in, and the doctor did his examination. He said that everything looked good and asked me how I was feeling. I told him I was looking forward to trying again. That was when I was informed that I had had a partial molar pregnancy and that I had to go in for blood tests once a month until my hCG was back to zero, and then for 3 more months after that.
Once again, the baby we want is beyond our grasp, and now I am a 25-year-old facing the possibility of cancer. My husband has been very positive and supportive. I couldn’t be doing this without him. I am nervous because I have not gotten the first test back yet. Reading the other stories has helped me, because the doctor couldn’t tell me much about it. I hope that everything turns out well, but either way, at least we caught it before it became serious. Things happen for a reason and I have to tell myself that every day. I’ll keep you posted.
Update: May 19, 2005
It took about 2 months for my hCG levels to go down. After that, it seemed like every month the doctor would tell us that we had to wait another month to start trying again. We wanted a child so badly that we even started the process of becoming foster parents, which we still might do. In April 2004, I went to another doctor to get a second opinion and got the ok to start trying again from him. Because we believe in divine healing, I also got anointed and prayed for at our church. I got pregnant June 2004 and now have a beautiful daughter named Aubrianna Austyn Gamache. She was born on March 6, 2005, weighed 6 lb 6 oz, and was 19.25 inches long. My husband is in love with her. 🙂 The pregnancy, labor, and delivery were uneventful.
The Bible verse that I would like to share is found in I Samuel 1:27 and reads, “For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of Him.” The advice I’d like to give is don’t give up. Don’t give up on hopes, dreams, family, and friends. Most important: don’t give up on God! I’ve been there. It is one of the most devastating things that you can ever hear, that your child is dead and that you may never be able to have another one. Somehow you live through it, and life goes on. I still can’t look at the baby book I started for our first child without crying. It may always be that way, I don’t know. I hope this has encouraged you as some of the other stories did me. Good luck with everything and God bless!
UPDATE: JUNE 2007
On November 21, 2005, I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. She was born 3 weeks early, on June 19, 2006. She weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and was 19 inches long. We named her Hailey Nicole, and she has her father wrapped around her finger.
Stay encouraged that you can also have that baby that you and your family have been waiting for. They told me that a biological family would never happen for us and it has. Don’t ever give up hope, because it can happen! We are living proof that a family after a partial molar pregnancy can still happen. I just want to help keep the hope alive.