In April 2001, I was 25 years old and very excited to be pregnant. Everything was going fine. I had had some bleeding at times, but nothing much to worry about. In June I went to the hospital because I was bleeding a little more and I was sent home. Later that day I went to the doctor and was told I had a 50/50 chance of miscarriage. Later that night I started bleeding clots a lot. I went to the hospital and the next morning went for an ultrasound. They said everything had passed and I could go home. At 3pm that afternoon I went to the washroom and the baby had passed. I didn’t know what to do. My husband got the baby and my father buried it for me. To this day I can still see and remember this event in my head, but in the same breath I am very happy I got to see my baby. In 3 weeks all levels were normal again.

We were told to wait for one normal period and then we were free to try again. In September, just 3 months after I got married and two weeks after I turned 26, I was very excited to find out I was pregnant again. At about 6 weeks, I developed a bladder infection and was put on medication; a week later, I developed a yeast infection from the medication and received additional medication. During week 8 of my pregnancy I had some light bleeding and went to the hospital. Blood levels were normal and my ultrasound was great. A week later I was told to go for another ultrasound to make sure everything was fine. The doctor said everything was developing perfectly. I was so excited.

At week 13 my husband and I went to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I decided not to get excited just in case. The doctor was due at the hospital to deliver a baby but waited for us so that we could hear our baby’s heartbeat. We heard it instantly, without a problem. I was so excited. Weight gain was also going great. A few weeks later, on December 25, I wasn’t feeling well and was vomiting a lot, but I didn’t really think anything of it because I thought I had a migraine with how bad my head felt. It keep getting worse, to the point at which I couldn’t keep water down. I went to the hospital and they gave me a shot of gravel and pain medication. The next morning I felt much better.

On January 7, 2002, I started prenatal exercises and was feeling great. The horror began on Jan 8, 2002. I was driving to my appointment wondering if I had anything to worry about and deciding that I didn’t. I knew I hadn’t gained any weight, but I also knew I wasn’t feeling well either. I also knew before I went to my appointment that it seemed like my stomach wasn’t expanding out but to the side. I decided that no cramps and no bleeding meant everything was fine. My husband and I went into our appointment. The doctor didn’t seem worried that I hadn’t gained weight. He tried to get the baby’s heartbeat, but found nothing. He thought it might have been his tool, because he said he was having trouble with it. He noticed my uterus didn’t seem to be as large as it should be so he sent me to ultrasound. They wouldn’t let my husband go into the room with me. I was so scared and already knew something was wrong, but never thought my baby had died.

After what seemed like a lifetime the tech person told me it didn’t look good and she would get the doctor. I just wanted my husband and she told me he would come with the doctor. I was screaming I was so upset I didn’t know what to do. When my husband came in I just couldn’t stop hitting him; I was so upset and didn’t know what to do. Never in a million years would I have thought that at 17 weeks I would be finding out that my baby had died. We spoke with the doctor—I don’t remember any part of that conversation—and had to go back to the hospital in the morning for pre-op. I went in for my D&C on January 9, 2002.

I just remember being a total wreck and crying a lot. My husband answered all questions for me; I just couldn’t cope. They gave me something that made me very tired and the next thing I remember is waking up crying and wanting my husband. They told me I would have to wait, which just made me cry more so they took me to my husband. The doctors and nurses were so nice and understanding. Once some of the bleeding stopped I went home to try and move on with my life. It has now been almost 10 weeks and everything is going great. For about 4 weeks after the D&C I was very lightheaded and would pass out easily, but they were pretty sure it was just low sugar, low iron, and panic attacks. At about 6 1/2 weeks I was still having pains in my uterus and the doctor put me on medication to contract the uterus. By 8 weeks my levels hit zero and now I go monthly instead of weekly, thank heavens! I’m not sure how much more my arms could take. Now, 10 weeks later, I really feel as though I am getting back to normal. Back to regular periods and all. I go next month for a PAP test and to ask questions and find out when I can try again. At this point a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of my babies, but a day also doesn’t go by that I don’t think about trying again. I sure hope I don’t have to wait a year and I sure hope everything goes well next time.